I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
