ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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