it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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