Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
