Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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