2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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