I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
