so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
