the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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