I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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