I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
