i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize