grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
