Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
