I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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