The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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