All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
