This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You took a bar mat shot.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
as a side note pls kill me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
