He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
