Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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