the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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