she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
