bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
