I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
