i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She's the barista slut.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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