I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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