i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
