It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
