After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
how drunk are you?
Several
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
