So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
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