Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
