i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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