There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
