This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
