I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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