I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
