She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
