just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
