Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
