operation harelip BJ is a go
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
