Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize