I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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