Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
