You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I smell like Dick and happiness
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