I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
