my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
