i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
