I only kidnapped one of them. chill
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
