Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
