just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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