he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize