Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
