i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
