If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
