And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't deserve a penis
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize