new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
