I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
