I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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