i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
