Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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