my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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