Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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