I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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