And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize