you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
